ENTANGLED 1

Abigail hugged Vince tightly with tears in her eyes as he was about to join the departure line to leave for Canada. It has been a sweet ride three years into their relationship. He had to make this trip now – it would be for their good and to secure a better future for them. He promised to see her parents to ask for her hand in marriage when he returns. She watched him walk as he pulled his bag behind him waving goodbye at her. They will have to be far away from each other for the first time.

While she was still in bed the next morning, her mobile phone rang, she picked it up from the side table but became hesitant to take the call. It was Austin, not her Vince whose call she expected. She had stayed up all night, tossing and turning in bed. Her bed felt so empty even though she barely shared a bed with Vince. She received the call and Austin talked sweetly to her like he has been doing for the past five months, but she wasn’t in the mood for his seeming annoying talk because she was worried about Vince; eager to hear from him, to ask if he arrived safely.

Austin, a graduate of English Studies from Abia State University had just completed national service and was still in search of a job believes that his financial status should not deter him from finding love. He was a persistent fellow – one any lady would tag annoying. He had met Abigail in a taxi along Choba when she was on her way to the University of Port Harcourt where she is studying to earn a degree in Microbiology. He told her how beautiful she was but she was indifferent, as she didn’t like it when guys come around her that way; they got along anyway.

The weeks that followed saw her become soft towards Austin by the day. It was as if he had broken the mighty walls she built against other men or that she let her guard down. Austin kept coming with the speed of an unstoppable train. On one occasion, Austin asked her to pay him a visit at an apartment he shared with his friend but she refused and invited him over instead. Being a reclusive type, she did not have many people she called friends and she needed someone to talk too, so they saw each other more often now. Amidst his search for a proper job, he still found a way to reach out to her. He had promised himself that he would get married two years after he secures a job, so he needed to start a serious relationship now. Besides, Abigail is a beautiful fruit that could not be ignored.

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She was in class when an unknown number called her mobile phone but because of the lesson which was ongoing then, she couldn’t take the call. After that class, she called back the number but the phone wasn’t answered. Later that day, she asked to visit Austin and he gladly accepted. She wanted some time alone with him, so she was surprised as to why Austin did not inform her that Paschal, his roommate was at home. Paschal excused himself to go see a friend. She knew it was ploy to give them some privacy but she liked it anyway, she needed it. She still loved Vince so much but emotionally, the breach in communication was telling on her and it has caused her to begin to like this handsome young man who has no job more than normal.

He moved closer and touched her face, planted a kiss on her lips and to his astonishment, she didn’t object. She just froze. Though she expected it, she wasn’t ready. He tried again but as she was about to reciprocate, her mobile phone rang... the voice from the other end sent chills down her spine. It was Vince!

Vince narrated how he had tried to settle down before calling and apologised for not having done the needful. He assured her that everything is now in place and that she could contact him whenever she wanted. They said other things and the line went dead after he reaffirmed his love for her. She turned to Austin who was staring at her all along, he asked who the caller was and she answered it was her boyfriend who went abroad and have not been able to reach her for quite a while – the reason why she was cold towards him initially. He didn’t ask further questions but their connection has been interrupted, so it wasn’t conducive for him to continue or try again.

Despite the distance between Vince and Abigail, they manage a healthy relationship. He has been away for eight months, but he calls regularly now and sends stuffs. He provides for her everything he can but for his presence. Austin on the other hand has not stopped chasing after her. He believes he has an advantage since her other man is away; if he pressures further, he would have her entirely to himself in no distant time.

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MY PAIN

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Growing up as a child, I never knew pain or regret; I had everything in place and everyone at my beckon call. My mother made sure I lacked nothing, even if it required her to travel to France to buy me a doll.

I experienced my first moment of pain with my first menstruation. I know it might be normal for every female to have a painful menstruation their first time, but mine was different; it was as if a trailer dumped a heap of heavy concrete on my waist. I felt like I was dying as there was nothing anyone could do for me but to take me to a hospital where I spent four days screaming in pains especially as mummy was on a trip to Dubai to get me a present; I was going to be sixteen in two days time. After that day, pain became a usual thing twice a month; on my monthly flow and ovulation period.

My mother took me to the best hospital in town and even outside town but all medications were like pouring water into a basket, for my condition showed no signs of improvement. A witchdoctor said that my late great grandmother was not happy with me because I did not inform her before I came to mother earth for she is in charge of releasing her great grand children, so she has decided to make me suffer. Required of us were things too many and unmentionable, of which mother provided cash for them but after all said and done, it seemed like my late great grandmother was angrier.

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Aunty Tutu, mother's bosom friend suggested I engage in early sex, that it will make the pains go away. It took my mother a very long time to agree to what she termed child abuse, so that when I turned eighteen and the pain didn't stop, my mother introduced me to Tommy. He was handsome, though but there is this strange thing about him that made me disapprove of his person, but Aunty Tutu said he was good at what he was going to do for me and that it will take the pain away. I had no choice but to agree so long as the pain would go away. I was desperate. That evening in my room, Tommy stared at me for almost five minutes, I can't say if he was amazed or shocked or scared but he just stared, later he said 'pull off. Don't be scared I will be gentle'. Mother asked me to do anything he says, so I did as he ordered because it sounded more like an instruction, even though the words were meant to soothe.

'Lie down, close your eyes and dream... erh erh open too,' he instructed.

'Open what,' I asked.

He didn't bother to ask again. All I remember of that day was that I felt another form of pain. Tommy did not stop coming to me and this went on for a whole week, but the pain was the same as the first day. My mother cried every time I had to come out of my room limping and crying.

The next month and the next year, and years to come, doctors couldn't say why I felt so much pain, and suggestions proved abortive, for none ever came close to reducing the pain.

I met Dr. Charles this year, tall and handsome with the intelligence of  Zeus, the Greek god. He told me all about himself and his achievements but disappointedly he was married. With my test result in his hands, he started by encouraging me to be strong for the journey ahead is a long one. He said menstrual cramps are every woman's worst nightmare but that my case was special. He tried to be nice with his words but his face showed no emotion. What is it with this medical doctors? Is one of the ethics of the medical profession to show no emotion? At that moment, I wondered why my late great grandmother would want this life for me. A life of pain. I always thought that mothers loved their children. Why is my case different? For a moment, I wished I had informed her of my leaving – just if that story was true – I would have been a free woman.

Dr. Charles kept saying so many things which I could not comprehend but I knew I listened. I came to full consciousness when he started the sentence which has become my new reality. He said 'unfortunately there is no known cure for endometriosis, aside you taking pain killers every month to reduce the growth, and surgery to reduce the scar tissues'.

I will have to live the rest of my life in pains.

THE DREAM CRASHER

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I do not know who she is  but she was in my dream last night. It is quite unusual to dream about ladies these days; I prefer to dream about money, cars, duplexes and vacations in Paris, Miami or a wild adventure somewhere in Kalahari. So when I saw her, it was not as though I dreamt; it was vivid like a vision shown to you by some higher force.

When I saw her, I was about to get into my hotel room to change before going downstairs for the party, conference, dinner – whatever it was, I do not know. She sat on a sofa with her friend or sister, both dressed in spectacular gowns that made their beauty blossom like flowers in a garden. I did not really look at her friend or sister; I only saw a red gown and that was it. But this lady of whom I now write, who crashed into my dream and left me searching for her came so close to me, that even the scent of her body hangs in the air I breath as I write these words.

She was dark with black wavy hair and her blue gown cascaded down her body just like flowers creeping down the columns of a castle. Her eyes were hazy and seemed to dream their own different dreams and when I looked into them, I felt the strange feeling that I had lost myself to her.

They were call girls, I thought, for all the other ladies around were same. But here sits a call girl. I walked up to them, politely. Greeted the lady in red gown but facing the one in blue. "You are beautiful. I need you to be with me tonight. I'm not thinking of sex, I just need your company." But I suddenly realised that she was a business person too and won't spend the night on a man who simply wants "company". Then I added, "I will pay you your full fee, just be with me this night, please".

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I cannot remember what she said, but she smiled that type of smile that reminds you of paradise and beautiful landscapes. I remember we agreed and I took her hand and felt a rush of emotions gush through my blood. I remember my heart beating at a faster rate than normal and I knew I had lost myself to her. This can't be me.

This can't be love I thought. Love is a decision that comes with time and test; there's no love at first time. But, I could not hold back the fire that was beginning to burn.

Dreams often interface with memories and experiences and you see that what hasn't happened in real life will remain strange in a dream. Last night, in my dream was the first time I asked a call girl out. And it was strange, for my mind kept saying "You have not done this before". I tried to learn fast, I thought of how to make it lively and fun – what to do and not to do.

We passed through the reception to get upstairs. There, the dream became blurred. Nothing happened next. Then, we were talking and she said, "I am not a prostitute, I dance for people and they pay me. That's what I do". That's more convenient I thought, I'm not thinking sex and you are not selling sex. That makes the both of us. Whether we were downstairs or upstairs I cannot remember but I remember giving her a bottle of wine to keep in the room while I ran some quick errand. I felt totally happy that such a lady was with me.

The dream became blurred again and I found myself searching for her, with that bottle of wine in my right hand. I searched like a crazed young man who has lost his certificate right after his convocation. We had taken a picture together, so I used it ask around to know if anyone had seen my missing queen – no one has. What the hell is going on? No one knows.

I ran frantically through a field to get to another side of the facility. I saw a huge auditorium that rose 50 feet above the ground and then formed an enormous dome at its roof. It had rows of seats which ran round the auditorium right to the top. In each seat sat a lady in gown. They all looked angelic in blue, black, red and purple gowns. I climbed from the ground reaching for the top in search of her. I could not find her. My heart bled and my limbs hurt for I had to climb with my hands reaching from one row to the next. At a point, one of the women got mad and kicked. My fingers slipped and I fell. It was like watching someone drown gradually. Their full life image begins to dissolve in the darkness of the water until you can no longer see them. That was it, I fell, and I woke up. Where is she? I do not know.

THE MISSING FLOW

Ugonma has never been this worried all her life; she thought of what to tell her mother and what explanations she would give her relatives. But the more she thought, the more confused she grew. Her mates would go for the compulsory one year national service, conclude and get a job,  get married and then start procreation; but she has secured herself a nine months job by returning home with a big tummy. She also thought of going  to Abuja to stay with Tony but no, they're not legally married. Tony is the one man who knows the way around her thing. Her mother will always say 'if a road is good, the man will pass through it again'.

Tony knew the road was not just new but beautifully tarred, so he kept going. He knew how to service her engine well with the right lubricant and he did that with so much dexterity. He made her noisy while they worked it out.

While she was immersed in thoughts, the sound of her mobile phone jerked her back to reality, her face was circled with a smile when she saw that the caller was her Tony, but the smile disappeared almost immediately.

'Baeby, good evening, she started.

'How are you? He asked softly.

'I am doing OK, she answered.

'What is happening? How did you know that you are pregnant? He queried

'Baeby, I just know. My flow was supposed to come three days ago, but this is the fourth day and I'm yet to see it. I feel so strange.

Tony took a deep breath and spoke again.

'You should go for a test tomorrow. Do you still have some money with you?

'Baeby, what if I am pregnant? She asked feeling scared.

'You are not pregnant provided you took those pills I bought for you. You are not. I just want you to go for that test to clear your fears and doubts. He continued.

'How can you say I'm not pregnant when I feel fatigued? I feel nauseous almost every morning, I have back pain and my head has refused to stop aching, I feel dizzy, and what's worse, my breasts have become swollen. They feel heavier and fuller and tender to the touch. The area around the nipples, have also darkened. I am pregnant!'

'Ugoo, just go for the test tomorrow. I love you and I want to make you my wife, things are moving too fast but don't worry I will follow the speed. He assured her.

27-year-old Tony have not had a sleepless night in a long while, the last time was when he was denied visa at the American Embassy. But after their phone conversation that night, it descended upon him. Tony who is the only child of his parents had to manage his late father's business in Oil and Gas after he graduated from the University. He thought about the huge responsibilities that lies ahead, he thought about if Ugonma would make a good wife, if his mom would approve of their marriage. The last time he took a girl to meet her, she gladly objected to the relationship because the girl is Yoruba and he is Igbo. His mother had clearly stated that he marry from Delta. Ugonma is from Enugu and she might be carrying his child. All those thoughts trickled in like drops of rainfall, and before he knew it he drifted away to sleep.

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At Ugonma's end that same night, she experienced a little discomfort around her tummy. She woke up and felt some wetness on her panty, she freaked out of bed and slipped her fingers into her thing, she flashed a torchlight on it, her face lit with smiles when she saw what looked like the colour of tomato paste. She broke down in tears praising God for nothing.

Her flow had never been that heavy she was so cramped up that morning. While she laid in bed she remembered she received a text message she is yet to read. She picked up her mobile phone from beside her and found it was a bank credit alert. Tony had credited her account with an amount more than enough for the pregnancy test. She sent a correspondence to Tony: 'Alert received, missing flow found. Thank you.'

Two months after she travelled to Abuja to see Tony. He wanted her to meet his mother. Mrs. Chiegwu was so excited to see them, she welcomed them warmly and made a delicious meal.  Tony was surprised as to why his mother was being too nice and excited, he had brought more than four different girls to see his mother but she never made a meal or treated them nicely –  she disapproved of them. He flashed back to how he had met Ugonma in a church; they sat in the same row, and after church service he ran after her to get to know. There was something about her that made him get stuck to her since then even though they have had their fair share of bad times in the relationship, he just knew she was the perfect one. Tony sneaked into his mother's room to speak with her after their dinner. He asked her if she liked her. She told him how beautiful she is and how much she liked her at first.

That evening before they left, Tony proposed to Ugonma before his mother. He went on his knees and begged her to be Mrs. Tony Chiegwu. Ugonma pinched herself severally to make sure she was not dreaming.

Their wedding is next week Saturday. I hope you will attend.

MY NEMESIS

It was on a Monday, but not like the usual Monday morning or other mornings when I take to my usual routines which were stretching out my big biceps allowing them crack up hundreds of times before running down to my bed for my breakfast which consists of hot push ups, a glass of water and a normal wash off, and then off to the Government Residential Area – or GRA as it is fondly called – to see if anything good would come out of my years of studying Public Administration with a Second Class Lower which I managed to get. Before now, I had written several job exams but on this particular one, I have been able to scale through two orals and a written test. This Monday was the crowning of all my efforts; I was just one step away from getting my appointment letter.

But this particular Monday morning was just too cold, my bones wouldn't crack, I was weak and felt an ill omen about this Monday, I couldn't take my usual breakfast, everything seemed weird, things were not falling in place; my toothbrush hurt my gum, my faeces came out hard and hot, the sponge down was unusually painful with the water annoyingly cold. I perceived something was wrong, but no, it is normal to be anxious and feel sick when one is to appear before the boss of bosses.

As soon as I walked out of my room, I hit my left feet against a stone, 'a sign of good luck' I said to myself even when I know the general notion of hitting one's left feet against a stone is a sign of bad luck,  I disagreed. Just a stone throw from my house a speeding blue Volvo with rickety body and sonorous music wafting from its speakers, which alerts every willing and unwilling listener to turn around, dashed into a pothole nearby and gave me a bath, as though I forgot to have one, while the driver only waved his hand expressing how not sorry he was. I rushed back home, without having another bath, I changed hurriedly into another shirt and trousers.

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When I finally got to the gate of Aldon Group of Companies, I was already twenty eight minutes late and sweating as though my sweat gland had leakages. Sitting with other awaiting candidates, I felt a bit relieved, though I knew something was wrong with today, maybe something awful had  happened to Mama, Matthew, or Beauty who would not just say 'yes' after four months of me asking her out. It took seven hours before it got to my turn, just when I was about getting up, I felt nauseous, my bones were heavy, I could not breathe, my saliva was dried up, I needed water but it was too late. I knocked and heard a sweet welcoming voice. "Come in," the voice ushered.

For the first time in my life, I couldn't open a door. I struggled with it as though I needed a manual. Just as I gained entrance and closed the door behind, I became transfixed and my heartbeat stopped for several seconds. Finally my nemesis has caught up with me. All these years, I thought I had asked God to pardon me and forget about the horror I caused a female corps member eight years ago. I ruined her inner and outer being by my action. My legs became heavy and I dropped on my knees.                                                         

Some years past, I had joined a notorious highway robbery gang and on one of our missions, my group members challenged my sexual prowess and dared me to exhibit my sexual skills on one of our victims. I took pride in raping her severally in order to prove them otherwise. I made sure I left a lasting scar on her face and on some parts of her body. I did all these just to prove them wrong but as I stood transfixed to the ground, I realized I don't know who to prove right or wrong.

MARRIAGE BOND

On this particular day, the house was unusually full and busy. We should have lodged outside our home but friends organized a little surprise party for us and when we got home, we had to postpone the trip. Relatives who couldn’t return to their respective residences stayed back to celebrate us. The crowded house didn’t stop John from planning to consummate our marriage this night. He was tired but not too tired to do what should give him absolute pleasure. John stepped out from the shower into the room where his new bride was seated on the bed in her lingerie. It was our wedding night and I had to look sexy for him. This lovemaking had to be special. I had to blow his mind with the recent styles I had learnt. It would be our second time and it had to be the best – one which should hold better memories than the previous. He perceived the cologne on me and planted kisses on my neck. Our lovemaking was great as I moaned in response to his movement, attracting inquisitive relatives who slept over to our door.

We started dating when I was in nursing school. Then John was a young man in his mid twenties. He showered me with love and gifts, with everything that made a relationship flourish. But one thing made us a little different, while I was a devoted Christian – one who should remain chaste until wedded by a church, John was one who attended church services at will, though he did everything right. So John felt our relationship was lacking, he felt we should know each other some more. I eventually yielded to this offer. Of course, I am his lady, and he is my man. The church wouldn’t know we were having sex.

After the awesome experience with John, I missed my period. I was still schooling and John was in his houseman year. He would love to make me his wife but we were not entirely ready and we needed to do things the right way. He suggested I terminate the foetus and as you'd imagine, I frowned at it. I went home and thought about how it was my fault – I opened my legs for him, received the pleasure, enjoyed it and didn’t take contraceptives. I am a medic but I was careless. I thought about how disappointed my brothers would feel if they ever learnt about it. Then I sent John a text message, and told him I would go ahead with the plan. We scheduled an appointment with a doctor and a D&C was carried out.

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Life continued, our relationship flourished but we never had sex again. I feared a repeat. Two years later we were done with school and started practicing. Later wedding preparations began and we married. Years passed by and there was no swelling on my belly. No missed period and no miscarriage to count. John became impatient and eager to become a father. He forgot how he had fathered a child with me five years back. He couldn’t bear it anymore; he needed to tell the world his manhood was active. He forgot how I felt or he stopped to care. One day, he came home with a pregnant lady. When I questioned him, I was sent out. I have been putting up with one of my brothers since then.

Months passed and I received a call from my pastor. I was asked to come to the church. And when I got to the church, I entered the pastor's office to behold a thin man seated in a armchair. On a closer look, I found that it was my husband. He came to ask for forgiveness. The pastor told me how the lady he had impregnated was positive with the HIV virus and how she and the newborn died. I was to be told later that I slumped into a chair beside him. Now I am battling with thoughts; the pastor has asked me if I want to continue with the marriage. John is my husband, we were joined in a church. Our bond said “for better or worse... till death do you part,” I should stick with him till our eyes close in death. Besides, marriage is more of commitment than the uttered words – it is more of doing than saying.

STIGMA

 
I walked quietly without noticing the people that walked past me. No one was around when I got home, so I walked straight to my room, bolted the door behind me, removed my clothes, stared at myself in the mirror and finally entered the bathroom. This is one of those moments I enjoyed having a brother as a sibling because I did not share a bedroom and maximum privacy was assured. I let warm water flow into the bathtub, and then stepped in. I slid into the bathtub and remained there.

The phone beeped and I rushed to it on the bed. I have been expecting Uche – the one man who had the involuntary power to make me suspend my studies. We exchanged messages and as usual, he told me how much he loves me and wants to make me his wife. How I should not let anyone touch me or have time for the boys in my class because most SS1 boys just reached puberty and are looking for where to get their first ejaculation. He continued with how I should remain chaste until he breaks my hymen on the night of our wedding. But this time, we were sexting. He said we could do this so he would not have to touch me physically. He was the man because he made my clit swell with desire to be ravaged, and as a result, my panty got soaked. I felt that this was the perfect time because I suddenly did not understand Physics anymore, and reading the textbook for an assignment about how to calculate the relationship between gravity and motion was out of this world. The only motion I wanted to understand was how Uche’s hips would move on me and the gravity at which he would pound me. He mentioned how he would ram his six-inch into my beneath so that I moan, scream, and shout. I was ovulating and this seemed the perfect solution to my horny-forced sleepless nights. He continued until I squirted – it was my first. That feeling that wanted to rip me apart suddenly vanished, I was tired.

Later that night, while we spoke on phone, I told him of my new experience as it was different from the other times I just panted. From the way he spoke after my confession, I knew he thought about how it would be to grind a woman until she squirts. He has never been able to achieve that with all those 'wild' university girls who felt his instrument lacked elasticity. The thought gave him a hard on and he asked me to come over to his apartment the next day.

I found myself taking a cab to his place the next day. It was the best move I made that day because I could not concentrate all day in school. The thought of visiting my love after about five months of communicating only on phone was a distraction. Although we did not see each other often, our love blossomed like a tree planted by a riverside.

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It was an easy ride from my father's house in Ajah to Lekki where he lived. I arrived and Uche received me at the door. He hugged me tightly and later, he would let me sit on the bed. He knows how I enjoy eating fruits, so he served me some from the refrigerator and headed to his mini kitchen to get me the hot, freshly prepared jollof rice which he made with smoked fish. Because I just changed from my school uniform to a casual wear before heading out, I did not have the time to eat at home, so I invaded the plate of rice before me after perching on some fruits. He insisted he fed me which I did not enjoy because I was still getting used to being free with him physically as I am shy person, though I could be a terrible bomb on the phone.

We talked and had a good laugh after the meal. And just when I seemed to have relaxed a little bit, he drew closer. He looked as one who has everything figured out, as one who knew the strokes to pull at a particular point to have his way. He could not wait anymore – he just wanted it from now till when we eventually get married.  He said he would be careful enough not to get me pregnant, that he would let it out outside. He was aware of my 'present condition' so he talked sweetly to me, he brought up yesterday’s chat and how I felt about it. When he drew me closer to him, I could have responded better if it were on phone, but no! This is reality and I am yet to come to terms with things of this sort. I was frozen. It was the first time he had come this close to me. It was so obvious that he had become hard and was trying to get me in the mood but I suddenly became too naïve for his fancy. Mr devil had spoken to him but showed some self restraint – he loved me and would want this type of intimacy to be voluntary – for me to reciprocate, that way, I will leave trails of marks made by my nails on his back. This would make him feel more of a man. He wanted my experience with him to be special and cherished but I was not being positive and he was saddened by that. I believe he had true feelings for me unlike those hit and run, one-night-stand adventures.

The wetness I had earlier had suddenly dried up. He pleaded and cajoled, as he reminded me about how he made me feel those other times, and made promises about how this time would best the other times but I remained unmoved. The thought of having a real penetration at 15 frightened me, so I did not budge, rather I opted to go home. Then Mr devil pushed Uche and he pounced on me.

I came out from the bathtub where the warm water has now become tepid and bloody. I walked downstairs to my brother and mother who has by now returned from the office. I have made a decision, I have resolved to serve God with my remaining body. Romantic love and relationship is not meant for me and thus, I must swerve now before the pain I feel within would be channelled wrongly. In Sunday School and Tuesday classes in church, the priests usually say people find peace in God. That is where I should head because I need absolute peace.

RAINY SUNSHINE 1

Joe and I have been together for nine years, yes, I met him while I was in secondary school. He was good to me. I think he loved me and I loved him too. I and my three other sisters was raised by my mother. My father died even before I said my first word, or so I was told. And as you would expect, life didn’t beam smiles at us. How do you expect life to treat a single parent – a woman for that matter – in an African society? I will not tell you how it is the culture of my father's people to will everything to a man's brother when the man is late, and leave the man's wife and children to whatever supreme being they believe in.

I was fortunate to attend a University because of my mother's hard work (God bless that woman). While in the University, I combined my studies with my relationship. Joe and I had everything going for us until a new chapter opened in our lives. He wanted sex! I wondered how possible it was, I mean how could he suddenly want that from me, from us? I thought he was asking for too much. I thought about the story my roommate at the University had told me. Her man demanded for sex, he said it would bind them. He said it would assure him of her promise of staying with him, even though he had not attended a university himself. People say when a girl attend higher institution, she sharpens, she becomes exposed to life, she becomes exposed to men, she becomes exposed to so many things; and when that happen, she will gradually slip away from her relationship before school. People say so many things. Has someone been talking to Joe? Joe didn’t attend a university, but he is a wise Alec. He is a good man. He asks questions when he is not clear about something. I loved him!

It was my third year at the University, and I had never been intimate with any man. Joe has been the only man in my entire life. He is my father, my brother, my friend, my lover. He is my world. We only kissed a few times, and let our bodies warm each other when he would pull my clothes half way up, but that was as far as we went. We started kissing when a friend of mine warned me of the dangers of not sexually satisfying my man. Joe and I agreed to start kissing – only kissing – and it wasn’t to be a regular thing. I had promised God that I will not lose my pride to any man other than my husband; and that would be as long as He didn't let the game boys come near me. In the University, not everyone is a student and not every student is devoted to his or her studies. Some had other devotions. While some of us enrolled to study a particular subject, some others had a religious or sometimes cultural identity which obsessed them. We called the game boys. I had read stories of rape victims, I have heard someone tell me hers too. I understand the stigma the experience leaves several years after the occurrence. I did not want to witness it myself.

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So when Joe talked about sex, I felt numb. I died.  I refused to acquiesce his request. I wasn’t ready! We argued and he was angry for a while, but he moved on – or so I think. We got along quite well, but little did I know that that was the beginning of the end. I heard rumours that he was seeing some other girls but I didn’t believe it because my Joe would never do such to me, to us. Mark is a good friend to Joe, they were like brothers. They told each other everything. Mark started asking me out. It was awkward because I never envisioned it. Mark started visiting me at the University, his phone calls to me became frequent. I did threaten to tell Joe about it but he persisted. I was serious about telling Joe about Mark's advances at me, but I feared it would strain their relationship. They grew up together. They have struggled together. They were still struggling. I didn’t want anything to break them, more so, not a woman. I loved Joe, and I cared about him more than I cared about myself. I shouldn't be the one to tear them apart. Mark would always tell me how I am the only person in town who didn’t know that Joe has been seeing other women. I didn’t believe him. It was their game. Joe had asked him to ask me out, to tell me those – it was a test. He played his script so well.

Now I am 27, I have been dating this man for the better part of my life. You read stories and watch movies, right? You know how the life of the characters in those books we read and movies we watch are usually interesting. You know how we all want that special someone, how we all want to have that perfect relationship. How we want to grow with our spouse, and like in the movies, live happily ever after.

Well, life is not what we see in the movies. Life is different from all what we read in books. I have not set out to vent frustration. I have not written to support any lady who believes that all men are the same – people experience life differently but whoever believes that all men are the same should be excused – I want to tell my story. I don’t know if I have learnt anything from my experience. I'm not sure what lesson life wanted me to learn or what moral it wanted me to draw from my experience.

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