MANIAC

Photo Credit: pixshark.com

When pastors and preachers talked about Jesus and said that ikwokirikwo is fornication, Onyeka barred his teeth and cussed. Why must they always talk about this one? They cornered him in every joint as though heaven have been stalking him, yelling about rapture, abi capture – whatever! The public buses were their favourite spot and they made him want a private car above every other thing. "This is invasion of privacy and my rights to peaceful movement," he protested. Don’t tell me about Jesus!

Then someone said, "Don’t watch porn; it messes with your head". He scoffed and spat. You are talking to the hand. "It’s cobweb in your mind! It’s a dent on your soul!! It’s immoral!!! It is bad. It is this, it is that...."

Who gives a damn? Did God not create the hole for peg? If I don’t chook it in there, will He chook it himself? Relax, I know the bible too.

So he goes on Google and finds all the links to those funky sites. Why are they all whites? White tits, white butts, white dicks and pink pussies. White! White!! White!!! He goes back to search again. This time, he writes "black pornography" "black sex" "black fuck".

Ahaaaaaaa! That’s more like it. The hotspot in school is cheap, so he begins to download. Loading… Download complete. Ahaaaaaaaaaa! Porn time!!! 

4:00AM, his trouser is soaked and his muscles tensed. He feels his dick and it’s hard like a rock. I have to do. Man body no be firewood. It’s 5AM and someone somewhere is yelling, talking about... Jesus again! Did David not do? Did Solomon not do? Even Abraham the father of faith sef do! Jesus really turned the scriptures upside down. Even Dan Brown said he did in that new book. They should go and rest jare. Rubbish!

Sometime during the day. He is in class and sees the handwriting on the wall, on the white board, on the ceiling and on the sidewalks. It drew white tits, black and white pussy, black tits, six inches dick, eight inches dick, ten inches dick, fifteen inches dick.... Someone is messing with my head. He buys  one sachet of water to wash his face, he is tired and sleepy but arrrgh... lectures!

"Hey you!" yelled the lecturer, "why are you sleeping in my class?"

"Sah? Am I sleeping, Sah?" the class explodes with laughter and the fat idiot who loves to sit at the back renames him Am-I-sleeping-Sah.

Chai! It’s sleep. I didn’t sleep well at night. I think those stuffs are messing with my brain. He goes to the library to revise. Finally, there is quiet, heaven! No tit, no butt and no pussy. Ahaaaah!

First page… last paragraph…. Second page... first paragraph….What is this strange sound? The library is totally quiet. Someone is being murdered here. It’s behind the shelves. They are strangulating her. She is crying and yelling for help. He goes behind the shelves to see for himself. She is moaning. She puts one finger in her mouth and blinks at him.

"Do you want some pussy?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Then he feels a rough brush against his shoulder.

"Hey! Young man, this is a library. You are disturbing. Don’t talk in your sleep."

Haaaaaaaaaaah! This film has done me in. No. I’m no longer a child, I’m 16. I should be able to handle this. If I get used to it, I'll stop hallucinating. Later that night he watches some more. His dick almost exploded and yes, he slept off by 1AM.

They have been friends for a while now. She is pretty and sexy. And, her ass looked like the ass of that last black girl that took that guy’s peg in her mouth. Wow! If only she could give him some of that peg eating stunt. He lies on the bed thinking about her. Her tits, her waist; her this, her that.

She knocked on the door. He opens. Small talks. Big talks. His peg jumps up. Oh my God! Not this time, please. He puts his hand in his pocket to hold the renegade down but it loves to rebel. What does it know? Nothing!

His mind begins to fight itself. A tug of war begins to rage.

'Who knows, she wants it too.'

'No, she doesn’t..

'Yes she does. Her skirt is short.'

'So what?'

'Yes na, it shows she wants it!'

'How does short skirt show she wants it?'

'I don’t know. Ok. She’s smiling.'

'Girls smile na! It's normal.'

'Yes, they do.'

'So?'

Her smile looks like that white girl that tore off her bikini when the white guy pulled off his boxer shorts.

'Really?'

'That’s how they smile when they want it.'

'Chai!'

'But, what if she doesn’t want it?'

'Then make her want it na.'

'They eventually get around to like it anyway.'

'Really?'

'Yes!'

'Are you sure?'

'Hian! Didn’t you see the other girl that was shouting "leave me, leave me" and when the guy rammed the dagger into her thingy she started to shake like earthquake?'

'That’s true.'

'Yes na! she’ll come around and like it. Just make sure you ram it in real hard.'

'OK.'

He decides. This will be good. Uh lala! Time to get laid. He moves closer and begins to smile like a sheep. If he was a dog, his tail would be waging like a disturbed rope, flailing itself from side to side like a dying python. She wonders why this guy smiles like a sheep.

"You know you are very beautiful"

She begins to blush and smile like a sheep too. "Thanks, dear."

Something about her voice drove him wild. Or is he "dear" really? This is green light oh! Time to act is now.

He moves real closer. He touches her shoulders and she smiles some more. Really? This is working. He tries to kiss her but she pulls off her face. Hian! Where went the green light? Well, initial gra-gra. Keep moving anyway.

'Make her want it! Make her want it!!'

"What is wrong with you?" She demands.

"Please, stop."

"Relax, you'll like it."

"Like what?" She tries to stand but he holds her down. Time to be a man. Hahaaaa! Hold her down! He begins to play a song in his head. The biological radio in his groin has turned on the dial. 'All I want is your waist, your waist, your waist, all is want is your waist...'

She started struggling first and tried to throw a punch. She has seen it before and can now smell it. The other time it happened to her, she was fourteen and the idiot neighbour had smiled like a sheep too, said something about beauty and touched her like this. She knows how it will turn out so she started fighting first. She kicked, and punched and scratched and bit. He grabbed her hands and pinned her to the ground.

Hey! This is not pornography. I guess you know what happened in that scene.

OK. Now, she and her brother are standing at that lonely junction waiting for the idiot. She has a broken bottle in her left hand. They planned to cut off the peg from his cursed groin. There was a vision somewhere in a dark place that in five hours, Onyeka will be lying in a hospital wishing he listened to the preachers.