MY PAIN

Photo Credit: becuo.com

Growing up as a child, I never knew pain or regret; I had everything in place and everyone at my beckon call. My mother made sure I lacked nothing, even if it required her to travel to France to buy me a doll.

I experienced my first moment of pain with my first menstruation. I know it might be normal for every female to have a painful menstruation their first time, but mine was different; it was as if a trailer dumped a heap of heavy concrete on my waist. I felt like I was dying as there was nothing anyone could do for me but to take me to a hospital where I spent four days screaming in pains especially as mummy was on a trip to Dubai to get me a present; I was going to be sixteen in two days time. After that day, pain became a usual thing twice a month; on my monthly flow and ovulation period.

My mother took me to the best hospital in town and even outside town but all medications were like pouring water into a basket, for my condition showed no signs of improvement. A witchdoctor said that my late great grandmother was not happy with me because I did not inform her before I came to mother earth for she is in charge of releasing her great grand children, so she has decided to make me suffer. Required of us were things too many and unmentionable, of which mother provided cash for them but after all said and done, it seemed like my late great grandmother was angrier.

You may also like: Marriage Bond

Aunty Tutu, mother's bosom friend suggested I engage in early sex, that it will make the pains go away. It took my mother a very long time to agree to what she termed child abuse, so that when I turned eighteen and the pain didn't stop, my mother introduced me to Tommy. He was handsome, though but there is this strange thing about him that made me disapprove of his person, but Aunty Tutu said he was good at what he was going to do for me and that it will take the pain away. I had no choice but to agree so long as the pain would go away. I was desperate. That evening in my room, Tommy stared at me for almost five minutes, I can't say if he was amazed or shocked or scared but he just stared, later he said 'pull off. Don't be scared I will be gentle'. Mother asked me to do anything he says, so I did as he ordered because it sounded more like an instruction, even though the words were meant to soothe.

'Lie down, close your eyes and dream... erh erh open too,' he instructed.

'Open what,' I asked.

He didn't bother to ask again. All I remember of that day was that I felt another form of pain. Tommy did not stop coming to me and this went on for a whole week, but the pain was the same as the first day. My mother cried every time I had to come out of my room limping and crying.

The next month and the next year, and years to come, doctors couldn't say why I felt so much pain, and suggestions proved abortive, for none ever came close to reducing the pain.

I met Dr. Charles this year, tall and handsome with the intelligence of  Zeus, the Greek god. He told me all about himself and his achievements but disappointedly he was married. With my test result in his hands, he started by encouraging me to be strong for the journey ahead is a long one. He said menstrual cramps are every woman's worst nightmare but that my case was special. He tried to be nice with his words but his face showed no emotion. What is it with this medical doctors? Is one of the ethics of the medical profession to show no emotion? At that moment, I wondered why my late great grandmother would want this life for me. A life of pain. I always thought that mothers loved their children. Why is my case different? For a moment, I wished I had informed her of my leaving – just if that story was true – I would have been a free woman.

Dr. Charles kept saying so many things which I could not comprehend but I knew I listened. I came to full consciousness when he started the sentence which has become my new reality. He said 'unfortunately there is no known cure for endometriosis, aside you taking pain killers every month to reduce the growth, and surgery to reduce the scar tissues'.

I will have to live the rest of my life in pains.