RAINY SUNSHINE 1

Joe and I have been together for nine years, yes, I met him while I was in secondary school. He was good to me. I think he loved me and I loved him too. I and my three other sisters was raised by my mother. My father died even before I said my first word, or so I was told. And as you would expect, life didn’t beam smiles at us. How do you expect life to treat a single parent – a woman for that matter – in an African society? I will not tell you how it is the culture of my father's people to will everything to a man's brother when the man is late, and leave the man's wife and children to whatever supreme being they believe in.

I was fortunate to attend a University because of my mother's hard work (God bless that woman). While in the University, I combined my studies with my relationship. Joe and I had everything going for us until a new chapter opened in our lives. He wanted sex! I wondered how possible it was, I mean how could he suddenly want that from me, from us? I thought he was asking for too much. I thought about the story my roommate at the University had told me. Her man demanded for sex, he said it would bind them. He said it would assure him of her promise of staying with him, even though he had not attended a university himself. People say when a girl attend higher institution, she sharpens, she becomes exposed to life, she becomes exposed to men, she becomes exposed to so many things; and when that happen, she will gradually slip away from her relationship before school. People say so many things. Has someone been talking to Joe? Joe didn’t attend a university, but he is a wise Alec. He is a good man. He asks questions when he is not clear about something. I loved him!

It was my third year at the University, and I had never been intimate with any man. Joe has been the only man in my entire life. He is my father, my brother, my friend, my lover. He is my world. We only kissed a few times, and let our bodies warm each other when he would pull my clothes half way up, but that was as far as we went. We started kissing when a friend of mine warned me of the dangers of not sexually satisfying my man. Joe and I agreed to start kissing – only kissing – and it wasn’t to be a regular thing. I had promised God that I will not lose my pride to any man other than my husband; and that would be as long as He didn't let the game boys come near me. In the University, not everyone is a student and not every student is devoted to his or her studies. Some had other devotions. While some of us enrolled to study a particular subject, some others had a religious or sometimes cultural identity which obsessed them. We called the game boys. I had read stories of rape victims, I have heard someone tell me hers too. I understand the stigma the experience leaves several years after the occurrence. I did not want to witness it myself.

You may also like: Battle of the Sexes

So when Joe talked about sex, I felt numb. I died.  I refused to acquiesce his request. I wasn’t ready! We argued and he was angry for a while, but he moved on – or so I think. We got along quite well, but little did I know that that was the beginning of the end. I heard rumours that he was seeing some other girls but I didn’t believe it because my Joe would never do such to me, to us. Mark is a good friend to Joe, they were like brothers. They told each other everything. Mark started asking me out. It was awkward because I never envisioned it. Mark started visiting me at the University, his phone calls to me became frequent. I did threaten to tell Joe about it but he persisted. I was serious about telling Joe about Mark's advances at me, but I feared it would strain their relationship. They grew up together. They have struggled together. They were still struggling. I didn’t want anything to break them, more so, not a woman. I loved Joe, and I cared about him more than I cared about myself. I shouldn't be the one to tear them apart. Mark would always tell me how I am the only person in town who didn’t know that Joe has been seeing other women. I didn’t believe him. It was their game. Joe had asked him to ask me out, to tell me those – it was a test. He played his script so well.

Now I am 27, I have been dating this man for the better part of my life. You read stories and watch movies, right? You know how the life of the characters in those books we read and movies we watch are usually interesting. You know how we all want that special someone, how we all want to have that perfect relationship. How we want to grow with our spouse, and like in the movies, live happily ever after.

Well, life is not what we see in the movies. Life is different from all what we read in books. I have not set out to vent frustration. I have not written to support any lady who believes that all men are the same – people experience life differently but whoever believes that all men are the same should be excused – I want to tell my story. I don’t know if I have learnt anything from my experience. I'm not sure what lesson life wanted me to learn or what moral it wanted me to draw from my experience.

Continue reading here...