RAINY SUNSHINE 2

Continued from last time... click to read

When I graduated from the University, I had already perfected plans of my marriage to Joe – by myself – in my head. We have never mentioned marriage during the course of our relationship, but you know how people plan ahead of time, especially when things seem to be going well for them. I planned a perfect wedding ceremony, the one that will have all my friends and university classmates in attendance. I planned a happy home, a family with Joe – four children – children who will play round the gardens of our house, children who will fill the house with their noises. I imagined chasing them down when they become too loud, how I would scold them when they do something silly; I imagined how I'll take them to and fro school, and give them lessons at home when they return. I obsessed about having Joe as my husband. I planned a life of bliss!

Whoever said it is a wrong thing to think that the man you are in love with will eventually become your husband? Whoever said it is wrong to think that the man in your life, the man you owe a lot to will cement your relationship with him in marriage?  I am in love with Joe, there is nothing wrong whatsoever if I think or plan our consummation. I did that, and I am happy.

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I was in school, living in the campus; my Joe was living apart from me, away in another city. It is hard to tell what your partner is doing at a given point in time, especially in my type of situation with Joe – in our type of relationship – call it long distance relationship if you will. Men chased after me. Boys came calling. Married men too. But I remained faithful to my one true love, I remained chaste. I loved Joe. How I felt about him could not be expressed or conveyed in phrasal combinations. It was deep. It screams out loud, it was beyond words and it beats worlds. Loving Joe put smiles on my face. He was God sent and a blessing because he did everything for me:  took care of my school fees, books, feeding, and many other things I will not mention. With Joe, all I needed to do was eat, breathe, and read. At a point I thought my roommate became envious of me, she wanted to have a taste of what I had.

Joe eventually had his way with me, no, I didn’t give in completely but he did anyway. We started doing it. What can I do? I mean it is a once and for all thing, you don’t lose your pride twice. Once in the act he mentioned that he would love to make me his wife, that we would live together forever, that we would grow old together. That was a perfect moment, a moment I had eagerly anticipated all my life. It was as if the gods of love and affection was living inside of me because what and how I felt about Joe skyrocketed. I couldn’t live or breathe without him. Without him there was no air. He hurt me, he defiled me, he abused me. I should report him to the police, I should sue him, I should tell the world what he did to me but no, he has been there for me – always. This might sound foolish but doesn’t love conquer all?